About Resume

they say resume is like a piercing sword that penetrates the heart of the employer and electrifies the company with your capability and making one irresistible to employ you. that shows how important it is to write good resume, cover letter and completely fill up all the necessary forms and attached piles of your supporting documents. i certainly recognize the fact and treat resumes with full respects.

imagine how important it is to get the right staff into right positions, so that the company can grow to it's fullest potential and families can be well fed and economy will spur. we have to screen through resumes with extra care and with a serious mindset. afternoon 5pm after round of 18 holes at the Port Dickson golf course accompanied by cans of beers - just perfect mood to carry out this holy duty.

first step is to review the organization chart, and see what are the positions need to be filled up URGENTLY, which means i can KIV 80% of the candidates for the time being. then we have to be efficient in doing this screening process, because there totaled 93 resumes sent in to my office for only 5 positions. so, over the years i have developed a very practical skill to expedite this job before the sun sets when strip joints are about to open. there are only 3 things that employers pay attention to: the look, the tits and the ass.

but off course, that only applies to female staffs. generally i will read over the resume quickly and write some notes at the corner of the front page 1. years of experience 2. expected salary and.... thats it. so, lowest salary and highest years of relevant experience, put beneath the ashtray, and disqualified ones will be under the French fries / beer mug. do i check for their certificates? hell no, let the HR department do this lame job, i got better things to do - order more drinks.

so at the end, there will be stacks of resumes by hardworking people rubber banned under category of "KIV" - a nicer term for "bye bye suckers, you are goofed!" and only 3% of all the submissions are considered to be called for interview.

this is such a tough job,

let me get may maid to do it next time

*hick*

Christmas No Laid

Christmas carries meanings, it signifies hope, presents, friendship and thanksgiving - not for all. bitches get free gifts from the joint while we have to pay the bill at inflated prices. Joints were full of people and couples and gays too. look at their faces, they are merely telling single people "you sux and we are happy."

some mean people really love to humiliate lonely people to the extreme - they get married on Christmas eve. as usual dinner was served late and two hundred pauses in between the meals forcing participants to watch video on how this ugly husband and wife gets together as if we care. and we certainly wish they break up tomorrow and ended up lonely like us. look at that "marriage is made in heaven" - yes right, but women from hell. hungry, traffic jam, envy and ugly couple - i hate wedding dinners.

couple's existence eating out or clubbing on special occasions are merely a mockery to lonely people out there - if they are not, why would they come out on expensive nights instead stayed at home. if you have no dates on great days like this, stay home and watch TV or feed your fish.

Damn it, i never realize empty aquarium saddens the lonely heart further.

oh well, to all my fellow lonely comrades
- toast for life, toast for the availables -

gong xi Christmas

Lousy Japanese Porn

let's give up Hong Kong porns, the bitches are like Wall mart sales girls and the guys looked like......... well, i don't know, can't see their faces anyway. for better looking whores, Japanese ya go! the quality of the cover shot it self represents quality, excellence and marvelous standards to expect. for such a premium product, i wouldn't have any second thought and paid a premium price for it - big time RM15.

so, check out the intro, man, they are starry, flashy and animation packed as if she is transforming herself into some shit like Ultrawoman!... ta da.... "Splash Venus"!! let's stand in aw to the beautiful screen set and decoration there, Japanese pays attention to details, ganbate!

however, if you are familiar with the Japanese styles of doing business, they will ensure customers have full understanding of the product purchased and provide you all the necessary details prior to any further sexual activities. hence, you have to tolerate the long winded 20 minutes interview session with the bitch. since this is a euro version, you will get at least two value added along with this purchase - no censorship and translation is available. (only the important conversations, others such as moaning and yelling are not available)











wait a minute, what kinda English is that, look at the last question......grammar aside, can anyone masturbate without using anything? finger is something, dildo is something even carrot is something for tit sake! it must have been written by a primary school drop out - like me.

the situation gets worst and worst, subsequently i realized all the translations through out the movie are poorly done up and it is extremely annoying to read grammatically wrong subtitles in any pornographic publications as well as blog like this. tell me, do you understand what the fuck do they mean? are these written in English?!!!! give my money back you irresponsible porn DVD seller!

Think about it
......"Splash Venus"....
isn't the title itself
grammatically wrong ?!
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since when we plan to pour water on her?

My Cork Is Broken

Opening an old bottle is as risky as making love to an old woman - thing tends to break. Unlike the Napoleon case last time. this round i am dealing with a more premium bottle which named Chabot X.O. and yes, for some of u xiao CHA BOH out there whom have never heard of Disco named "FIRE" unlikely you know this brand either. its not ZHA BOH, it's suppose to be pronouced as SHER BUH - or something like that.

this is obviously not a party drink, because it has a weak name, and just like OTARD and MARTELL which are closely associated as "uncle's" drink. very unfortunately during the opening process of this bottle i have made a serious mistake, which was to tilt the bottle for few days. that does soften the cork but has some potential risk to it, as once the cap is snapped (which typically does) the remaining part of the cork will slide and drop into the bottle - well, that's exactly what happened!

Well, as if i give a damn, i have swallowed much dirtier things than Cork in life and i think my body is able to digest em in no time. look at the bottle now, old classical XO with a funky dildo like cap. take a sip and who gives a shit to inflation, angkasawan or a pretty girl being jobless soon.

Dear my under-privileged Malaysian comrades

Merry Christmas

let's toast for life.

Horny Motorola Cellphone Wallpaper

life has been tough these days, with the inflation of prices of all the commodities, we have to find ways to improve our source of income and reduce expenses on unnecessary items. it is therefore i went to Mid Valley yesterday and bought myself a new hand phone.

new phones are lovely, they are sleek, slim, fanciful and sexy. perhaps jack ass whom cant get attention from women like me should stop buying porns and start to use cellphone as masturbation material. these phones fits into any pockets seamlessly because of their sizes. they are equally bitche's eye catching as money - and you can tell what i mean....
it comes with a very sexy default theme along with wall paper of a half hallucinated female DJ on low cut jeans and tank top without wearing brassiere. nope, i ain't joking and take a closer look, isn't that the pinnacle of Pleasure Mountain? - my eyes on the head and eye on the 2nd head don't tell lies.

the pair of nipple do make me wonder why would Motorola have such horny picture set as default wall paper for sex-sensitive country here, unless i am the only dick head who realise this bitch is bare inside despite this model has been sold in the market since its announcement on 2006 3Q.

before you may want to further develop fantasies on this hot DJ wall paper, you can consider to tape the bottom part of her because she has a very ugly tummy, and she's quite fat like most of the KL lazy rich assed party girls whom try to be sexy by wearing low cuts.

Sex Service - Time Massage

hi, Time Massage?
wo tat (who is that)
i'm fucker
ai cee ( oh I see), wat woman you want?
you have pondan or not
sorry sir, we don't have sotong, but if you want gay man we have, but you cant choose, we only have little stock
I want only handsome one like Brad Pitt, can or not
bread wat? we don't sell roti. hey you play play me or wat?
nevermind, just send me now, and tell your mom she should have done the abortion last time.
wat? ... dunno what say you. so where want send the gay to you? you in hotel? we only serve PJ area.
can you send to my home or not? and dont let my neighbor see, can you put him in a box and deliver through a SenQ truck?
bos, you think we sell sardine ah, please la, if scared people know stay home masturbate la!.
why you argue with customer, i want to speak to your supervisor, i don't like your attitude
wat tute? u want to tute me or tute the sotong?
nevermind, so when can you send to me?
you have to wait bos, too many booking now, maybe 830pm can or not? (2 hours to go)
wait so long and you call your self "time massage"? you should call urselves "wasting my time massage" tell me if this sotong is good? if not i will cut your balls.
dun worry bos, this one is good, lots of booking, short, smooth skin, long hair, speak many language, soft spoken and very horny. you sure will like him geh.
i c, sounds just like you, fagot.
tew, what u say? fak wat? harlo.. wei wei.... halo.... @*(&@(*#^!

Bad Ass Attitude Porn Star

i just got my bonus last week and I'm so glad that lame ass jack off who came to work late 90% of the time and sexually harasses office tea ladies every now and then still can get 1 month bonus like all the hardworking colleagues. so to celebrate this moment of happiness and to toast for inequality of remuneration program in this country - i spent it on a imported Oscar nominee foreign movie under the category of "widest screen required" with most outstanding armature actress Xiao Ling.

i never liked Asian porn because they are exceptionally bad in terms of story lines and the male actor are often fat short bald headed tummy packed asshole. and typically there are mosaics that covers nothing except nudity - Asian's definition of porn. and as usual it has all the lamest fetishes like playing with magnifying glass or getting the bitch doing some exercise in bikini. *yawn....*

but i found out something new this time, no more ugly male actor - except a mask rider Ultraman Cosmos. his role is quite tiring, besides fucking the girl, he has to shower her, massage her and the only thing the girl does is just to open up the condom - exactly as lazy as KL women this days , do nothing in sex but just act like a dead fish. maybe these porn directors surveyed Malaysia and found it as an interesting modern trend of sex.

off course, the worst of this type of porn is that the actress is absolutely just like Malaysian girlfriends, with all sorts of bad ass attitude and lame facial expression through out the sex. if it is me the fucker perhaps i will need to apply 3 times the dick hardener oil 2 days before the sex and have strong sense of imagination to replace this fucked up face with Jeanna Jameson's - if not it will take 2 years to stay boner on bitch like this.






Since the movie is so sucked up, why would i spent my life savings to buy this piece of lame junk movie - it's simply because it has a horny title - "Hang Zhou Explosive Tittie Xiao Ling" , tell me who can resist such astonishing movie title.

i have taken a very good snap shot of the movie that pretty much sums up the whole damn porn:

Big Tit

Bad Ass Attitude Actress

Had a Lousy Sex

Honey, How Can I Keep You

lately i have been thinking out loud

looking at the pictures of you on the cover page

reminds me of how we used to fall in love

the feeling between both of our hearts

the passion between the crotch

you have no feeling on me, which that is obvious

but i have tried to own you, even it takes me to climb the sky

i may able to own you - for a while

but you know this relationship doesn't last

i have spent my money on you

i have spent my time on you

i am the antz and you are the sugar

if everytime i masturbate on your video can save a dying cat

the world will be filled with pussy long ago

if my parents find out about us

they will be unhappy, and they will spread us a part

like how Yani's music make love to Enya's in missionary position

please tell me

if there is any place that i can hide you

hide my love for you, Gilda Roberts

hide my collection of you, Liz Honey

hide my fantasies of you, Judith Fox

and all the Anita Ridaldi's masterpieces

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Hotel Room Signages

I don't understand some of the modern signages lately, or maybe i was hibernated for few decades and i started to lose some level of common sense to understand what people are trying to do and trying to tell me what not to do. this little warning sticker is telling me do no use sharp objects such as knife or scissors to damage the refrigerator - DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID TO DO THIS!???? even if i do happen to own a knife in the hotel i will first use it to stab the jerkoff who came up with this idea of signage instead.

normally i hate the the position of "gazzle and stallion" because letting the woman take the lead is a premature ejaculation catalyst. however except this time while getting raped by Sandra i get to look at the ceiling and found some good reading materials, i saw this signage next to the sprinkler head - telling us not to put a hanger on it , probably may break it or what so ever. so as a socially responsible hotel guest, i followed the advise and didn't use a hanger and their advise is good, truly enough Sandra's underwear gets dried up pretty quick.


lastly, in the name of humanity and love for the marginalized poor labor union people - everyone knows we shouldn't assault hotel room housekeepers, i swear on my grandmother's tits i will never lay my hands on the Indonesian maids and shall forever practice as the signage says "do not disturb" - especially her crotch area!!

Mermaid Blow Job in Genting Starbucks

It has been a while I didn't go to this lousy lame useless diry socially irresponsible Genting Highland since i was 12 years old because they disallowed me entering the casino saying "midget" is not allowed. hey u fuck ass, short dick is not disability and what do you expect from a junior high school boy! however this trip to Genting highland, i was very impressed with many new things happening in this lovely tourist filled place. look the place is so richly decorated with low quality artworks. i stood in aw looking at these fascinating sculptures that symbolizes big dick and freedom of flat tits.

the theme park is so enriched with low tech 3rd world country rides - so i decided to give it a try. for the sake of getting some blogging materials, i tried the RM 5 ride on the mechanistically driven boat ride along with 200 fat big titted whore mothers with 7 kids each. firstly im very impressed by the stupid people's act to throw in coins everywhere through out the rider as long as they see water. give me a break - if you think throwing in 5 cents will grant you prosperity, go fuck your self with a mont blanc pen, maybe you will get pregnant.

through out the ride, there are many interesting warning sign there saying "do not rock the boat while in motion" - linguistically this is a piece of joke because the fucking boat motion causes the boat to rock you jack ass!! and put it that way, is it right to say " do not stroke your penis while masturbating?" i wonder why don't they send some of these signage designers to elementary school when they have some education budget after milking millions of hard earn money from street hawkers?

however later i realiase why do they put such a signage there - it has an important purpose and i regretted having lame thought about the wisdom of these signage people. these lovely warning sings are telling us to stay calm and not performing any acts that causes vibration to the boat because something exciting is coming ahead - nudity is ahead of me ! look at that.......... tell me who wouldn't get an hard on! get closer and the piece of art can really make one achieve orgasm in no time......

Check this out -
a nude mermaid performing a blow job at the Starbucks coffee house, and damn, she is not shaved too!

Genting highland you ROCK!




(ps: i know... which mermaid isn't nude)

Resignation - After Thought

yeap. thats all you get to bring along after you worked ya ass off for donkey odd years in a company - and they have to get security to escort you while packing worrying you may take away valuable documents and corporate secretive information. i don't do such shits, that's stupid, waste of time and degrades my intelligence - i have burnt them into DVDs before even i tender the resignation, and yes, it's a company's DVD burner too - bite my dick if ya not happy.

the horny feeling of leaving the office was still very vivid, i missed the coffee on the table, sunshine in the morning and great asses of all the chicks there (yeap, no tits to see). but life is long and dubious, we can't look back and complain about the past, let me look forward to prettier bitches with bigger boobs or worst at least the same quality of buttocks at the new work place.

i remember it wasn't easy to resign from an old office, especially you have piles and piles of shits to pack and to figure out if they are important to bring away or to be kept there. one of the biggest challenge was to spend time delete off all the personal data and horny stuff i have in my computer. believe me that wasn't an easy task, because dirty files means all the nude photos, dirty songs and soft,hard,oriental,euro,bdsm porns. they come in jpeg, bmp, gif, png, rmvb,3gp,wmv,avi,mpg...etc formats, god damn it you need a certificate in this area of specialty.

when you have worked long enough in an organization, you knew almost everything. you know the affairs amongst the staffs, the boob size of the cleaner, and so forth. that's the part that one looses when he resign, you loose your seniority, connections with people along with all the knowledge and tricks on how to go around the policies. but there are things that continuously to remain as a mystery to me - is this a female or male elephant ? hey ladies, can you find out for me?

How Bad Can Our Toilet Be

My late father used to tell me successful people see bigger picture and think macro - that sucks because i only see big tits and think dirty. and i have a serious problem which i can only think well when I'm inside a toilet, maybe that's the main reason no women likes me probably because i spend more time in the restroom than in bedroom.

Malaysians are very creative when it comes to toilet art work, we are thoughtful, graphical and innovative. one main thing that impresses me is .... which are the bastards who carries color pen along when they want to take a shit, as if someone wakes up in the morning and have the thought of "wow, its a great weather, let me draw some craps today at Ah Beng's Cafe toilet". needless to mention, they have to have all the ideas in mind in terms of choices of color, thickness of pen and image to paint soon, they probably draw very fast too, probably even faster than my ejaculation, because who wants to get caught in the toilet and being associated as "toilet graffiti specialists"

we are exceptionally violent people sometimes, and we have big time problem trying to learn how to use door knobs or latches. since we are furious bunch, why not we devolve ourselves and do door-less toilets like china? ask ourselves how many decent toilet doors we ever seen before in this country? probably only 3 or 5 in our lifetime. tell me, how complicated it can be to latch a door? just shove the blardy stick into the hole - do we need to include this in our university's syllabus?'

we break things, and we fix them too - innovatively. how hard it is to break or lost the ceramic cover of the WC, it's probably 3 times harder than loosing one's virginity - anally. let me figure out what i need to do with this WC - i squat on it and take a dump, then open the tap and fill the tank with water, and i have to off it before it overflows. then press the lever with my feet because i think i see shit stain on it. if the crap out of my ass is too hard to be flushed away, i have to repeat the tap control procedure again.

KNN.....when can we have a peaceful moment of relief in Malaysia's public toilet ? or it's just me who fantasize too much in the toilet?

Drawing Tits and Cock

I admire the life of an artist, especially big time motherfucker like Picasso who get free supply of muff and naked women to pose for him. i wish someday i can retire early and pretend to be a freelance artist wearing a fake Franck Muller with long hair and torn jeans sitting in some ass bars to pick up chicks. bitches like artists, they think artists are cool bunch with style and attitude, just like the poor asshole Isaac Mendez in the TV series HEROs getting attention from a black whore despite he so broke can't even afford drug and had his head cut up by the evil charactor SYLAR.

Can i paint? i am only good at looking at naked woman, and i can pay attention to a pair of tits for 6 hours and masturbate 4 times during that period of time. it's not easy to draw penis, especially for man. I will never draw small dick because i have been a laughing stock by prostitutes at Jalan Alor, especially Kelly, Jenny, Joyce, Mandy, MoMo, Miki, Yuki and Raffidah.

Man loves to draw big dick, and for some reason we draw circumcised ones. maybe not because skinless dick head looks cool, probably it's because by not drawing circumcised dick viewer may think you are drawing a hairy sea cucumber. But there is a very important ''final touch'' in the art of dick-painting, that is to make sure you draw out the little "eye" at the tip of the penis. that will enhance the sexuality of the painting tremendously and double sure no one will mistaken this as inverted test tube with little filled with water. but still something is missing here, the wiener has no balls. basically it doesn't matter, you know why?.... read this..

Drawing the tits too is never an easy task. most people will draw two circles then add dots on them hoping they looks like breasts. unfortunately if u try doings so they are as good as pair of animal eyes or two oranges putting next to each other. so what is the trick to draw a pair of decent boobs that one can get an hard on to jerk off on ? there are few major DON'Ts

1. you shouldn't draw a complete circle, it has to be 1/2 circle and open at the top
2. it cannot be a ROUND circle, it has to be a slightly "V" shaped circle, that gives the painting a sense of saggy tits
3. you need to at least draw the Waist line, that's the minimum you should go. if you can complete it with shoulder or the ass would be best.
4. there is no need for the pussy because it always gets more attention than the tits. if you want people to look at your tits, don't flash the muff. men skip foreplay when they see the camel toe.
5. you must be determinant and decisive where to put the nipple, if not the humps will look like suffering from breast cancer lumps.

http://i2.bebo.com/038b/14/small/2007/10/13/03/14863644a5807828974s.jpg

Old Liquor - Taste Like Cow Piss

unlike most of the rich bastards out there from rich assholic family with free supply of money and pussies, i do have a late father whom left behind hundred thousand of bad debts, house unfinished mortgage, useless sister whom is a bitch dropped out of kindergarten, loads of VHS porns and an analogue radio. but despite being a poor asshole in this urban township Kay El, i am proud to be myh father's son because he left behind cartages of old liquors which is enough supply for my three coming generations - if i am not dead yet from drug overdose
after 3rd day i opened up his ugly looking Hennessey Swee Superior - which tastes exactly like cow piss, not sure what does it mean. probably it looses its taste after many years on the shelf or maybe it's just cheap shit those days like complementary give a way door gifts to bar whores.

i normally take em neat, but this time is really unbearable the tasteless kickless watery Hennessey which i sensed as worst than Prince Charles's mother's vaginal discharge, hence i have to couple it with on the rock and anchovy. ah...... guess what..... taste like horse cum mix with cow saliva.

so..... i decided to feed Kelly, Sussane, Joey and Mandy. let's see if they will soon become mutant and some sort of fantastic 4 to save the earth.

We Talk Cock

we talk cock a a lot, and many times we crap things that we don't dare to do nor ball enough to admit we are chicken. and we are too used to certain language we use everyday which in fact can be absolutely meaningless and waste of listener's time - just like how my blog wastes most of viewer's time.

best example is we often here people say "warm beer taste like cow piss." ......... who tasted cow piss before? some ladies may have equivalent experience especially if their boyfriends washes their penis twice every three weeks, but they certainly never chewed a cow dick before to validate this statement.

another all time classic is "size doesn't matter".... most of the men out there wouldn't understand how important is big dick to women, but most of us know no one likes to get fucked by a small one-eyed-snake. how do we know... try digging ur nose using a chopstick, the feeling sucks big time and certainly tickling, and "tickling" is not part of sex, it is a potential laughing stock after the prom night.

There is a good one too: "I'm gonna make you feel sorry for this "...... i say "fuck you and your sister's water head too"......how do you know i will feel sorry for what YOU gonna do, as if i give a shit and as if you are capable to hurt me you lame jack ass. but i do know how to make these people to feel sorry for saying such lame statement - is to gag their wives, pee on his bed and leave the condom in the ashtray at the living room or throw the used one into his swimming pool - that is the true meaning of feeling sorry for someone.

lastly, the unbeatable all time heavyweight champion of the "talk cock sing song" billboard shall be a girl telling you... "i love you forever".....when is my forever? my forever is when i finally do an orgy party with Spice Girls without Victoria (i dont fuck boney woman, i don't want law suit for making sex partner suffer from bone cracks."before i date you i slept with 50 women, 12 female cow and 3 hamsters, my chances of having syphilis is three times higher than prostitute in Manila, i may not even live long enough for our next intercourse. so the most you should say is "i'll try to love you long as ur penis is still working"